Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One) Read online

  The streets were mostly deserted because most of the men had gone to war. Hat pulled low over her head, she kept her face hidden just in case she ran into someone she knew. She walked to the train station to buy a ticket.

  “How much for a ticket to Richmond, Virginia?” Kate asked trying to make her voice sound deep. Jake had served in North Carolina during his time in the war. She hoped if she went to Richmond no one would know Jake or her. If she tried to stay in this area, she might be recognized and sent back home.

  Her mother had lived in Richmond before she married her father. She had described the beauty of the plantations and rolling hills. When her mother talked of her life on a wealthy plantation, Kate could tell she missed her home.

  The short, fat man behind the counter looked her over. He answered, “One dollar and twenty cents, young man.”

  She fished into her pocket and pulled out all the money she had left in the world, which wasn’t much. She counted out the money and handed it to the man.

  “Where have you been fighting, young man?” questioned the ticket seller.

  Voice calm, she answered, “No where yet. I’m headed to Appomattox to sign up now.”

  “When I saw the worn uniform, I thought you were already fighting.”

  The color drained from her face. Nervous because of his questions, she told him she was anxious to leave and quickly scurried out the door. She would have to become accustomed to answering questions. If she let her fears show someone would get suspicious.

  It seemed an eternity before the train was ready to leave with Kate seated and feeling a little apprehensive about what lay ahead of her. The man at the train station believed she was a man, so maybe she could fool everyone else.

  The train sped along while Kate tried to take in as much scenery as she could. She had never been farther than Durham. The young man sitting beside her told her that it was about one hundred and twenty miles to Richmond. The countryside was beautiful, rolling hills, green pastures, and thick forests of huge trees. The war had not touched this area.

  Bone chilling accounts of all the land where blood oozed into the ground from all the dead bodies had been discussed at church. Members of her congregation told stories about land destroyed from all the cannon fire. Even Jake had conveyed so much to her about the terrible war. Maybe she wouldn’t have to fight. There had to be other jobs in camp, like cooking, or helping in the infirmary. Since she could read and write, maybe she could even be an officer’s aide. She hoped she could find something that would make her inconspicuous as possible so she would not draw much attention.

  The speeding train traveling quickly over the terrain, made Kate feel more alive than she had in a long time. She was doing what most young girls would never be brave, or crazy enough to do. She was proud of her bravado.

  ****

  Bob rode his huge roan into Kate’s yard at a slow pace. He did not want a repeat performance of his last encounter with her. No doubt she would shoot him if he gave her half the chance. Perhaps she had calmed down and thought about her circumstances. He was offering her a wonderful life.

  As he stepped onto the porch, a board creaked. His eyes studied the front window but he didn’t see Kate. He knocked softly on the door. When he did not hear her footsteps on the plank floor, he knew something was not normal. He lifted the latch on the door and found it unlocked. With caution, he pushed it open, and peered inside. The house was as silent as a tomb.

  Hesitating for a minute, he hoped Kate was not concealed somewhere waiting to shoot him. He searched the little cabin but she was not there. So she thought she could escape him. He would find her if he had to search the world over. She would not get away from him that easy.

  He mounted his horse and galloped back to his plantation as fast as his horse could carry him. Uncontrollable rage ravaged through his veins. When he arrived back at his plantation, he sent one of his field slaves with a message to deliver to a Pinkerton detective that had worked for him in the past. He would find Kate no matter where she had gone. A young, beautiful girl like her should be easy to find, especially since she did not have many options without family support.

  While Bob waited for the Pinkerton to arrive, he knew he had to do something about his temper so he could think rationally. He needed something to get his mind off Kate. He opened his door, stepped onto the landing, leaned over the banister, and yelled, “Tilley get up here right now!”

  Watching from the landing, he saw her slink into the foyer below. Huge, frightened eyes looked up at him. “Did you need something, Master?

  “Yes, I need you to come to my room.” With slow, small steps, she began to climb the stairs. Her hand gripped the banister so tight, her knuckles were white. Her fear made him feel powerful. She detested his touches, but that also brought him a sense of control. There were always tears when he had sex with her. In time that would stop. She would come to the realization that he was her master and she would do what he told her. In a couple of weeks she would know what he liked and do the sexual acts without him having to coax her.

  Tilley whispered when she stood only a foot from him, “Please, Master, don’t touch me.” Eyes downcast she wouldn’t look him in the eye.

  Bob closed the distance between them. He placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face. Huge doe eyes stared at him. “Come to my bed and pleasure me, Tilley.”

  Even though she wanted to defy him, she obediently followed him into his room and shut the door behind her. Bob took great pleasure knowing she had no other choice but to do as he ordered.

  ****

  Kate stepped off the train to the hustle and bustle of Richmond, Virginia. She walked down the street taking in all the buildings; dress shops, restaurants, and businesses. She wished she had time to see more of Richmond but felt she should not dally and needed to find a place to enlist.

  Gray uniformed soldiers dotted the streets. She was a little intimidated by all the uniformed men walking around town. No one seemed to notice her so she began to relax. Kate stopped a soldier on the street and asked, “How do I get to the nearest infantry camp?”

  “Go to the courthouse and they will see you get to a camp.” Now that she had directions, off she went.

  A wagon was leaving for camp Kanway, near Red Springs. Fifteen other recruits, headed to join up sat in the back of the wagon so she climbed aboard, and took her place amongst them. Keeping her cap pulled low, she talked as little as possible. She did not want to draw attention to herself. All the other recruits thought she was shy. No one suspected a woman was sitting in their midst.

  After two days of traveling, the wagon arrived at the infantry camp. Kate stood back to take in the sights and sounds of a bustling Confederate camp. The camp was a buzz of activity. Some men practiced marching and drills. There were men cleaning guns, some washing uniforms. She had never seen such a multitude of men in one place in her life.

  White dog tents dotted the grounds as far as she could see. She never realized there were this many men in the world. Some were still just boys, maybe fourteen, or fifteen. Some were older, maybe, as old as fifty.

  Someone finally noticed her, and pointed her to the center of camp where the new recruits were to gather. Laying down her pack, Kate lined up with the other young men. A tall, handsome man with thick black, curly hair stepped in front of the group of men. Firm muscles rippled under his uniform and she could tell his body was magnificent. The bluest eyes she had ever seen scanned the group of men. He cut a find dashing figure in his gray uniform. Suddenly Kate realized she was openly staring at him. Never feeling lust before, she was shocked. She had never been attracted to anyone until she laid eyes on this perfect man. In fact she couldn’t take her eyes off him.

  “I’m Captain David Harris. We will whip you boys into shape and get you ready for battle. We only have a couple of weeks before you will be on the battlefield so we have a lot of work ahead of us.”

  The tall man stopped right in front of her. He looked her
up and down. Kate’s stomach began to roil, frightened he would know she was a female, she began to tremble.

  Captain Harris tried to look into her eyes but she kept them downcast. “What’s your name, on?”

  She took a deep breath and tried to talk as deep as she could. “Jake Monroe, Sir.”

  A black eyebrow arched as he ordered, “You should look the officers in the eye when you are being spoken to soldier.” Kate peered into Captain Harris’ eyes and saw the amusement. He chuckled, “How old are you, Private Monroe?”

  “Seventeen, Sir.” She felt the color leave her face, she was so nervous.

  “Son, you don’t have any peach fuzz on your face. You don’t look old enough to be off your mama’s tit.” The other men began to laugh.

  The urge to run away and hide was strong, but that was not possible. To keep everyone from being suspicious, she stood her ground. She could feel her face turning red. Glad when Captain Harris moved on to check out the rest of his recruits, some of the tension lifted.

  After standing in one place for more than an hour, Kate felt better when formation was over. A sergeant showed her and the other privates to their tents.

  She dropped her things onto the tiny cot she assumed was hers. The other cot had a body in it. She sat on the cot and wondered what she should do now. Minutes passed as she fidgeted trying to get comfortable.

  The young man sleeping in the cot sat up and rubbed his eyes. Not wearing a shirt, his white chest showed when the sheet fell away. Kate’s first impulse was to turn away, and then she remembered she was suppose to be a man and shouldn’t feel ashamed when she saw a male chest. “Hi, I’m Jake Monroe,” Kate stood and held out her hand to shake the young man’s hand.

  He gave her a genuine smile as he took the offered hand and gave it a firm shake. “Adam Williams.” He yawned and threw his legs over the side of the cot. “I had guard duty last night and thought I’d catch a little shut eye.”

  “How long have you been in the infantry?” It took a lot of effort to keep her voice deep, but Kate knew, to maintain her disguise, she must keep her voice sounding manly.

  “One year now. I’ve been in the same outfit the whole time. How ‘bout you?” Adam asked.

  “I’ve just joined. This is my first time ever leaving home.” Kate did not want to answer questions. Answering questions made her nervous. She was always afraid she would slip up and cause suspicion. “It’s a little tight in here. I think I’ll step outside and get some air.”

  “No, problem. It takes a while to get used to camp life, Jake. If you need anything, let me know.”

  With a nod of her head, she hurried outside. She feared there would be awkwardness between them, but Adam seemed nice.

  Kate spoke to as few men as possible. She had to keep her gender a secret. She did not want to be sent back home. She was not going to marry Bob Lewis. She had to learn to be a good soldier so she could stay until she had another plan. “Another opportunity will come along for me. I have to be optimistic,” she whispered softly to herself.

  ****

  When night arrived, Kate returned to her tent for some much needed rest and sleep. She was tired from the long train ride and the two day wagon ride to Kanway Camp. Adam was already there. He was cleaning his musket. “I’m exhausted Adam, I think I’ll turn in.”

  “I remember my first day, Jake. I was so homesick. It’ll get easier.”

  “I sure hope so,” Kate whispered. Still dressed, she lay down on the cot. If Adam thought her behavior odd, he didn’t say anything. It was going to be difficult to keep her gender a secret in the confines of the tent. He would probably become suspicious if she slept in her clothes every night, especially when the temperature would soon be rising.

  The next morning came too soon. She did not sleep very well for worrying. She kept thinking about her brother Jake being in a strange place just like she was now. All she could think about was how lonely he must have been when he first arrived.

  Kate did not get to worry very long. Reveille sounded at 5:00 a.m. to begin the day. She felt horrible. She needed more sleep. Hearing a flurry of activity outside her tent, she knew she had better get moving. Quickly slipping on her jacket and boots, she ran outside to the center of camp. She wished she had time to at least throw some water on her face to help revive her.

  Morning roll call took too long. She had not eaten very much yesterday because of nerves and now she felt the hunger pains. By the time breakfast was served she was close to collapsing. All the men got in line and stood in front of a table as food was ladled onto their plates. She moved down the line with the other soldiers as sausage, eggs, and biscuits were added to her plate. Kate ate as quickly as the other men because she was famished. In fact, she was so hungry the simple fair tasted great.

  Kate stayed so busy she did not have time to think about anything but becoming a good soldier. So intent on her training, she did not see the piercing blue eyes watching her. Hearing a voice behind her, she twirled around to find Captain Harris observing her progress. “How are you doing, Private Monroe?”

  Instantly, the hair stood up on the back of her neck. She hoped he did not notice how nervous he made her and become suspicious. “Okay, Sir.”

  “You look tired. Did you sleep any last night?”

  “Not much, Sir. I’m a little homesick.” Her voice quavered, and she tried to calm her racing heart. What would be the penalty for dressing as a man and joining the war?

  “It takes time to adjust.” Kate watched him stroll about the camp observing his other men. It was difficult to tear her eyes away from his perfect physique. She was fanaticizing what it would be like to kiss his full lips. Reality set in and she realized she was acting like a school girl pining over a man she had no chance to be with. She was just a backwoods country girl.

  Kate jumped when Lieutenant Emerson, the instructor, yelled loudly at her because her musket was dirty. “A soldier never lets his weapon get this filthy! You’ll understand when you’re on the battlefield and it will not discharge.” Lieutenant Emerson admonished her several times until she oiled her musket inside and out. After several attempts he seemed satisfied.

  Next she practiced loading her musket as quickly as she could. She fumbled through several times before she was able to please her instructor. Still she was a long way from loading it three times in one minute as was expected on the battlefield. They marched around the camp in formation until she thought her feet would fall off. She had blisters on top of blisters since her boots were Jake’s and they were a little too big.

  She even had to learn hand-to-hand combat. Lieutenant Emerson kept looking at her as if he were suspicious. A handsome man, he stood at least six feet tall with dark hair and intense dark brown eyes. His cocky attitude made her nervous. Kate watched the other young soldiers who were in line before her getting knocked to the ground time after time. Now it was her turn. She had no idea how to block the hits she received. Lieutenant Emerson knocked her to the ground with one swift motion and held her down. The closeness of his body made her very uneasy, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get him to budge.

  “What’s the matter, Private?”

  Kate stuttered, “Noth-ing is wr-ong, Sir.” He looked right into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he rolled off her, stood, and pulled her up after him. His eyes never moved from her face.

  She almost panicked. He was acting very peculiar as if he knew she had a secret. “I am thirsty and need some water. May I please get some, Sir?” Kate spoke as deep as possible hoping Lieutenant Emerson would not notice how nervous she was from his scrutiny.

  “Yes, Private, take a break.” Lieutenant Emerson had a curious look on his face as he peered into her eyes. She had an overwhelming urge to run as she forced herself to turn and walk away slowly.

  By the time the day ended Kate’s body was black and blue from the blows the lieutenant inflicted on her. She was so exhausted she fell into bed and slept like a bab
y. Then reveille sounded the next morning at 5:00 a.m. and she endured the same hardships over again.

  Today Sergeant Branson instructed the new recruits. He was short in stature but was built like a small bull. He yelled most of the time because they were all green and made lots of mistakes. Determined to have them ready for battle in six weeks, he never let up.

  Kate pressed her musket against her shoulder and pulled the trigger. The loud sound caused her ears to ring and the smoke caused her to cough. By the time the smoke cleared, she saw she had missed the target yet again. Sighing loudly, she wondered if she would ever become a good shot. She turned to see Captain Harris staring at her.

  “Hello, Private. How are you doing with your target practice?”

  “Okay, Sir, I get better every day.” Apprehensive with him standing so near, her hands began to shake. She was almost afraid to look into his sensual eyes. Every time he came near, she could feel her body getting warm. For a moment she forgot to breathe she was so mesmerized by his handsome face and muscular body.

  “Where did you say you were from, Private?” Captain Harris looked directly into her eyes as if he could tell if she were lying.

  Under the circumstances, she tried to be as truthful as possible. “From Durham, North Carolina, Sir. I have a small farm. My family is dead and I couldn’t run the farm by myself. No money you see. I had no choice but to join up.”

  “Well, you should feel obligated to fight for the South young man. I just wondered why you didn’t join close to your home. You came along way when you could have joined a camp near Durham.”

  Captain Harris asked too many questions. Kate wanted them to stop. “I wanted to see something different than North Carolina. I heard how beautiful Richmond is, so I thought I would join here.”

  “Well, carry on, Private Monroe.”

  As he walked away, hands cupped behind his back observing his men, she couldn’t help but watch. Angular cheeks, narrow nose, strong decisive chin, he was so handsome. She did not know what was wrong with her. The urge to reach out and touch him was strong when he was in close proximity. She would have to keep from drawing his attention.