Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One) Read online

  “May, will you please change the sheets and tidy the room.” He waited patiently for May to finish her duties to his room, and climbed back into bed. After spending most of the night teaching Tilley how to please him, he was still exhausted.

  Draping his arm over his eyes to block out the sun, Bob tried to conjure Kate into his mind with her ample breasts and womanly curves. Tilley was a nice little distraction, but she was not Kate. It was time he took a wife and only she would do. He planned on making her his wife no matter what he had to do to get her.

  ****

  Darkness surrounded Tilley as she sat in her small room in the back of the house where the slaves slept. Lighting a lantern, May sat down beside her on the bed. With a wrinkled hand she cupped Tilley’s beautiful, toffee colored cheek. “Are ya alrit’, child?”

  “I hate it here. I want my mother.” Tilley reminisced about all the happiness she left behind at her father’s plantation. At night she and her mother would slip away to the slaves’ quarters for a little entertainment. She would sing and tap her foot to the music of the harmonica and guitar.

  There had been a warm camaraderie between the slaves at her home, which she did not think existed at the Lewis’ plantation. She had been content as long as she stayed away from her father’s wife. She missed her mother desperately. How could her own father have sent her to such a terrible place to live?

  “It take some gettin’ use to a man’s touch. You be fine.”

  “No, I won’t. If he thinks I’m gonna’ let him root all over me again, he is crazy.”

  Tilley stared at May’s old, gnarled hand as she rubbed her knee. The woman had to be eighty but still did the cleaning and cooking. Bob Lewis had no compassion, not even for someone who had served him for so many years.

  “It is da way of master and slave. You are da slave and you muss obey. He owns you.” All hope left Tilley as she pondered May’s words. How could she accept this life with such a brutal man?

  ****

  At the table laden with all the food the neighbors brought, Kate took a nibble from a biscuit Mrs. Johnston had baked. Her stomach lurched in protest from having food forced on it when she wasn’t even hungry. She dropped the biscuit to her plate, and let out a heavy sigh. Hands over her eyes, she tried to hold the tears at bay.

  Outside she heard a horse trot into her front yard. She struggled to stand almost too depressed to even walk to the door. The moment she stepped outside onto the porch, uneasiness filled her.

  “Hi Kate, I hope you got some rest last night.” Bob gave her a lewd look.

  She blushed. The man made her skin crawl. “Not much, Mr. Lewis.”

  “Now Kate, we have been friends long enough that you can call me Bob.”

  She replied, but not with much enthusiasm, “What can I do for you, Bob?”

  He dismounted his horse, tied it to the hitching post in front of the small cabin, and stepped in front of her still standing on the front porch. Immediately, she felt apprehensive. He stood about six inches taller than her. His broad shoulders blocked out the sun as he loomed over her. To some women, his impressive male size would be attractive, but not to her. She abhorred him.

  His fingers ran through his black hair. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” His tone made her even more nervous.

  “No, Bob. That would not be proper. I would hate for a neighbor to stop by and get the wrong impression.” She lied. “Mrs. Johnston said she might pay me a visit today.”

  “Well, I’ll get right to the point.” It was evident he was getting annoyed with her refusal to warm up to him. After all she had been through, she really didn’t care. She wasn’t far from telling him to leave.

  “Kate, I came here today to ask you to marry me. I think you would make me a fine wife. You know I have a huge plantation with plenty of slaves and you would have an easy life. We could have a wonderful life together. You can give me strong sons.”

  Dumbstruck, Kate stared at him as if he had two heads. She couldn’t believe he wanted to marry her. Of course she knew he had always been attracted to her, but had no idea he wanted marriage. He had sons older than her.

  “Mr. Lewis, I do not love you, so I can’t marry you.” She refrained from telling him what she really thought. She would not marry him if he were the only man in the world. Hoping not to make him angry, she needed to tread carefully. Gossip had spread through the small community about his terrible temper. Once he got so mad with the mercantile store owner in Durham, Mr. Simmons, that he almost beat him to death. Claimed the man tried to cheat him, which was absurd. One of the nicest, most honest men she knew, Mr. Simmons would never defraud anyone. Because Mr. Lewis was wealthy, the law did nothing. Let him walk right out the front door of the courthouse without any punishment.

  Undaunted, Bob responded, “I’m sure you will come to love me, I have so much to offer.” He spread his hands out palms up, and smiled as if that would convince her.

  He swaggered closer, his proximity making her more nervous. Practically looming over her, he bent as if he intended to kiss her. Darting to the side, Kate snapped, “Please leave, Mr. Lewis. You are scaring me. I want you to leave now!” She trembled in fear knowing no one would come to her aid. There would be no one to hear her pleas for help.

  She whirled around intending to go inside the safety of her cabin, when Bob caught her by the waist and pulled her close.

  She shuddered as he whispered in her ear, “It is not proper for a young woman to be alone at dangerous times such as these. I’m offering you security. The woods are full of soldier boys who might take advantage of such an innocent as you. I won’t take no for an answer.” He pressed in a more menacing tone, “You have no other choice.” The smell of liquor lingered on his breath and she thought she would swoon.

  Seconds passed as he waited for her answer. Her emotions turned from fright to anger. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to tell her what to do. “This is my home and I want you to leave now!” Close to tears, she was getting angrier by the moment. She had to keep control of her feelings or she would be in grave danger. She frantically began to think of how she could get out of this terrible situation.

  Bob bent his face close to Kate’s and pressed his lips roughly against her tender lips. He groped her breast with one hand while he held her close with the other. She heard him moan and knew she was in real danger of losing her virginity to a man she could barely tolerate.

  “Oh, Kate, you are so sweet and innocent.”

  She could feel his arousal and felt revulsion at his advances. She tried her best to fight free, but he was too strong. He was a big man and she was no match for his strength. She felt the thin fabric of her dress give way exposing her shift. Bile rose in her throat where it stopped.

  “You are beautiful. I can’t wait to bed you properly.” He lowered his head again to her lips and tried to force her mouth open with his tongue.

  Afraid she was going to be sick, she fought for control. She was cringing inside. No one had ever treated her so horribly before. Bob grabbed her breasts in both of his big, strong hands giving Kate an opportunity to step back. She knew his intentions; if he compromised her, she would be forced to marry him.

  She realized this would be her only opportunity to escape. Remembering the ax handle on the porch behind her, she backed up quickly throwing Bob off balance. She groped along the outside wall of the porch until she felt the ax handle. She gripped it firmly in both hands and swung with all her might connecting with his head.

  He fell to his knees in agonizing pain. He touched his fingers to his head. Face red with rage, he slowly struggled to his feet and stumbled toward her.

  Wasting no time, she ran into the house and locked the door behind her. She raced to the far wall and lifted the rifle musket her brother had used in the war and pointed it at the door. She was shaking so badly she couldn’t have shot Bob even if he had been able to kick the door in and force his way inside. It felt like an eternity waiting to see what
he would do. The rifle musket got heavier and heavier as she stood there waiting with her torn dress, tussled hair, and heaving chest. The only sound she could hear was her heart pounding in her ears. The quiet went on too long.

  Finally, she heard Bob moving outside the door. She heard him try the latch. Holding her breath, she watched the latch move up and down as he jerked trying to get the door open. In a trembling voice she screamed, “Mr. Lewis, I have a musket and I am not afraid to use it! Leave my home now!”

  In a voice full of anger, he shouted through the door, “Now Kate, I will not give up. You may have won today, but there will be another day. You can’t stay locked up in your cabin forever. I will give you a couple of days to think about your situation. Like I said, I am proposing marriage. I have a lot to offer. Most women would jump at the chance to marry me. Think about your options.”

  Kate’s unladylike snort filled the room. She couldn’t think of one woman she knew who would want to marry the likes of him. The only person who thought he was a prime catch was Bob Lewis. She shouted through the door, “Leave and don’t come back!”

  She let out the breath she had been holding when she heard the pounding of hooves as Bob’s horse galloped out of her yard. “I hope you have one hell of a headache!” She shouted at the door.

  She let the musket fall to the floor, and sat down hard on the large, oval rug that covered most of the floor. Funny, she never noticed the frayed edges until now.

  The back of her throat burned as she fought back the tears. Giving in to her feelings, she began to weep. She cried for her parents, her brother, and lastly her grandmother. She cried because she was all alone with no hope of fighting someone as powerful and strong as Bob Lewis. She had to think of something. She couldn’t marry him. She would not marry him.

  She cried until she had no more tears. Gloom and doom took over, and she had to force herself to get off the floor. Weak knees barely supported her body. She walked to the bedroom she had shared with her grandmother. She sank onto the bed as memories of how happy her life had been before the war assailed her. So much had changed.

  The small daguerreotype of her brother sitting on the scarred table caught her attention. Kate calmed as she thought of how handsome he looked in his uniform. Only fifteen when he sat for the daguerreotype, his life had only just begun. The grey short jacket and trousers made of wool made him look so much older than his fifteen years. His grey cap covered his dark, curly hair. The rifle musket that had just saved her from Bob Lewis stood by his side.

  She missed her brother terribly. If he were still alive, he would protect her. She thought about how much they had looked alike. The only difference, he was taller and thicker than her.

  That is when the idea came to her. For the first time she felt hope. She sat up and smiled. It might be crazy, but just maybe it would work. She could join the war for the South. She looked so much like Jake. All she needed was to alter Jake’s uniform to fit her properly. She knew she had to do something to get out of this dilemma. It could even mean death, but she would rather die than spend a life with Bob Lewis. She felt better knowing that she had a plan to get away from him.

  She dried her tears, squared her shoulders, and got to work. She stayed up late into the night painstakingly working on Jake’s uniform. She had to take it in several inches, and cut and hem the pants to fit her shorter frame. She finally tried it on and looked in the mirror. Her green eyes sparkled when she saw how well Jake’s uniform fit her body.

  She wondered what she could do to hide her ample breasts. They would definitely give her gender away. She found some old sheets, tore them into strips, and wrapped them around her breasts. Pulling them tight together, she tied the ends. It would take a while to get accustomed to the constricted cloth pressing against her breasts. But then she was willing to put up with the discomfort if it would save her from an unhappy life spent with a madman.

  She slipped back into her shirt and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The strips flattened her breasts making her chest look as if she had the chest of a young boy. There was one more thing she must do. She dreaded cutting her long, thick, brown hair, but it was her only alternative. Her hair was beautiful, and flowed in waves down her back. Her hair was her best feature. Wrapping a wavy curl around her finger she whispered, “You’re being vain, it will grow back.”

  Kate lifted the scissors to her hair and cut. The first lock of hair fell to the floor. She thought of her dad. He had always complimented her on her thick hair. She faltered before cutting off the next lock. Her hands began to tremble and she thought she would retch. She continued until all her hair lay in a heap on the floor at her feet. She looked in the mirror at her reflection. The short locks curled on top of her head. Tilting her head from side to side, she whispered, “It’s not so bad.” No one would be able to tell she was female. She looked like a smaller version of her twin brother, Jake. She swept up the long locks and buried them in the back yard. No doubt Bob Lewis would return and it was best not to leave one shred of evidence behind.

  All of Kate’s energy was drained. She lay on the bed and drifted off to sleep thinking of happier times when her family was alive and together.

  ****

  Bob Lewis lay in his bed thinking of Kate. She should be honored to have a man of his standing interested in her. It was not like men were beating down her door offering to marry her. Hell, there were no men. They were all off fighting in the war. The only men left were the ones at the wake and they were all too old for her.

  He touched the bump on his head and couldn’t believe she had gotten the best of him. She had a rebellious nature. He would be better prepared next time and not let his guard down.

  Just thinking about her soft mouth got him aroused. Her breasts felt perfect in his hands. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted a woman in his life. He wanted to touch her body every night, to feel the lushness beneath his fingertips. At first she might fight, but he was sure he could force her to succumb. Maybe all she needed was a few days to think about her situation. She didn’t have any other option but to marry him.

  The longer he thought about Kate the harder he became. He bounded off the bed, opened the door, and bellowed, “Tilley, get up here this instant!”

  Five minutes later, Tilley stood in the doorway ringing her hands in fear. “You called me, Master?” Big chocolate, brown eyes peered at him.

  “It’s about time, took you long enough.” He unbuttoned his shirt. “Take your clothes off.”

  “Please, Master, don’t make me lay with you again. It’s broad daylight outside, and I’ve got work to do.” A tear slipped over her tawny cheek.

  “Let’s get something straight. I’m the master and you do what I say.” He unbuckled his pants and they fell to his ankles. “In time you will accept your fate.” In a more forceful voice, he snapped, “Shut the damn door and get undressed!”

  With a trembling hand, she closed the door, tears glistening in her eyes.

  Chapter Two

  The next morning Kate rose early. She slipped into her Confederate uniform, ate a meager meal, and crammed the few things she was taking with her into Jake’s pack. At least her appetite seemed to be returning. Now that she had a plan, things didn’t seem so hopeless.

  Moving through the cabin, she lovingly touched all the homemade furniture her father had built out of spare lumber. It wasn’t like she wasn’t coming back. After a few years Bob would lose interest in her and she could return.

  Time was wasting and she needed to leave before Mr. Lewis came back. She looked at it as an adventure. She would meet new people, see new places. There was a whole world out there beyond Durham.

  The musket felt cold as she lifted it from its place over the fireplace, then walked toward the front door. She turned and looked at the home she had shared with her family committing it to memory. The home her mother and father had built with their own two hands. Butterflies moved in her stomach as she thought of leaving the only home she
had ever known. Why did Bob Lewis have to ruin everything? She hated him for forcing her to leave her comfortable home.

  Kate had a long walk ahead of her and knew she should get moving. Frost covered the porch and surrounding trees. Even though it was spring, the mornings were still pretty cool causing her to shiver. She pulled Jake’s jacket tight against her trying to ward off the nippy air. It was six miles to Durham so she trudged on not wanting to miss the noon train.

  Kate topped the hill above the little farm. One last time her eyes roamed over her home. The charred remains were all that was left of the barn. A pain swept through her whole body as she remembered the worst day of her life. Jake had only been gone a year when lightning struck the barn causing it to catch fire. The flames were so intense they looked as if they were licking the sky. A fire that killed both her parents, Daniel and Mary.

  Seconds passed before she focused on something other than the charred pile of rubble. Everything had a white sheen from the covering of frost. The vines of the wild roses that wrapped themselves along the rails of the front porch were a few weeks from blooming. The fiery pink of sunrise cast a glow over the land. In the pearly dawn the farm was a peaceful scene, and she felt melancholy to leave it. Yet, she had no other choice because of Bob Lewis. Her revulsion of marriage to him gave her courage. She wanted a man that made her feel special, not frightened. She longed for the love that her mother and father had for each other. She wanted true love.

  ****

  Durham had grown since the last time Kate had been into town. When her parents were alive, she enjoyed coming to town to shop for supplies for their small farm. Those were better times. After her parent’s death there was not enough money to do something as frivolous as shopping. What little money Kate and her grandmother had, they spent on food and necessities.